cd4 and rant

so its cd4 i have completely stopped even spotting . it is so weird . i have always had af that last 4-5 full days . but i am lucky i even filled 1 pad this cycle . i wonder if thats normal. that kinda scares me as this cycle is very important to me because of iui. i dont want anything messing it up .maybe i should call my re office and just ask if this sounds like a normal af to them .. i know what they are going to say though ."have you tooken a hpt ?" why do i want to take a hpt af came like clock work cd28 couldn't get anymore text book if i dreamed it up myself...i hate poas .i hate the disappointment every time i look down and see that single pink line . its like why even bother..this ttcing is so dam depressing why do i even put myself though this?i am mommy already to 2 beautiful amazingly awesome kids that i couldn't love anymore if i had given birth to them myself ...but having another child is something i want so badly i cant explain it .i want that experience of feeling my child grow inside of me to give life to my child ,to look at that child and know he or she is a creation of my husband and i ...God I know that will be the best thing i will ever experience in my life ..And, I m not willing to give that dream up because even though i get really discouraged at times i know God hears my prayers ..I just keep reminding myself month after month that God is never to early,never to late , but always on time ...

till next time xoxo, shell

ok so today is cd3 and i have only maybe filled 1 pad yeah i know tmi sorry .what is going on with me i had really bad cramps cd1 and they went away yesterday no big deal that happens but a 2 and a half day cycle never happened to me before .. shorts good though lol. ill take what i can get as far as af gos at least she is regular now and i ovulate woo hoo !!!!

till next time , shell

cd3

ok , here we go cde3 af is on full force now .starting clomid 50 mg today as well . whippie! i am going to go through more emotions this month than any month before. just because i have really high hopes for a bfp..i think if this doesnt get me a bfp this cycle then i will be nothing short of heart broken...i really need to prepare myself for the worst and pray for the best ...

till next time ,shell

this is my beautiful daughter lori dawn and myself

my aewsome amazing wonderful husband with our beautiful baby boy

my husband ,son and i

intoducion alil about myself

My name is Shelly and my husband of 11 yrs is arthur . we are on our ttc journey . but we also already have 2 beautiful children lori dawn 13 and bailey austin 8 .not biologicaly mine . my daughter is my step daughter my son we adopted at birth not actively ttc at the time..but , God gives you gifts when you least exspect them...we never really worried about having anymore children as we were busy raising the 2 we already have . but i hit 30 and got the baby blues in febuary 08 so every since then we have been ttc with meds . well not all 8 of those months cause we were put on a ttc break after my ob triggered what he thought was a follie . turned out to be a cyst so my new re took me off the fertility drugs. and switched my metformin2550mg to avandia 8 mg and that was awesome ..no more met side effects and hey i get to keep my af under control..i went from having a af ever 7-8 weeks to now having a text book af of 28 days and i actually ovulate on my own ..thats all awesome news for me ...now if only i could achieve getting my bfp...

cd2 of iui

cd2 i am having major cramps today . this cycle seem worst somehow. i just cant wait till this month is over i know when i go in for my iui the 2ww is going to kill me ...i start clomid 50 mg tomorrow.yippie ! not! that medicine really sucks..it gives me headaches ,hot flashes ,night sweats ,mood swings and i get really sick to my stomach so not really looking forward to all that .. but i guess anything to get the baby i have always dreamed of...

cd1 of iui cycle

k so today is cd1 of my iui cycle . i am upset that af decided to show . but fresh start with a new cycle right.sometimes i just want to give up and today is one of those days . i am terified of failure , that this iui cycle wont work . then i will still be facing the never ending road of ttc . one of my cysters from soulcysters got a bfp today and i am nothing less of over joyed for her . she gives me new found hope for success..it makes me realize that this is all in God s timing not ours ...that we need to learn patience something you will all learn im not so good at .