Monday, October 20, 2008

just trying to cope

my baby nephew bubba passed away 5 months ago june the 2nd i will never forget that day it was the most sadest day of my life ..that changed something in me forever. he was only 4 . he fell in a pool that didnt have a fence or any type of barrier around it ...at 4 yrs old we had to barry my precious baby nephew always missed but deffantly never to be forgotten...i can barely face my baby sister for the fear of the hurt in her eyes will be to unbearable..she is only 24 yrs old and has faced such loss in her life .. i cant see how she copes in her day to day life...i also lost my uncle 2 weeks ago the only thing i held on to from my father that passed when i was 1 yrs old..he was so awesome he was know as the man with a big texas smile ..he was my uncle teddy bear i miss him so much .... then there is this infertilty that has tooken over my life ... all this has made me question God .. i really know God on a personal level but i have had so much greif these last couple of month that i have lost a big part of who i truly am....that greif turned into anger really quick .. but i have been trying to reconnect with God because if any1 can help me get back my life it is God ....i pray for patientce , understanding and peace.... i have to let go and let god thats all i can do ....

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